Why You Can’t ‘Fix’ Your Way Out of Overwhelm

Why You Can’t ‘Fix’ Your Way Out of Overwhelm

When You’re Caring for Everyone But Yourself

It’s 7am and you’re already fielding a call from your dad about his confusion with his insurance, while simultaneously packing your daughter’s lunch, and reviewing a work presentation. By 9am, you’ve handled three crises that weren’t even yours.

Sound familiar? It certainly does to me.

If you’re part of the Sandwich Generation - caring for aging parents while raising children and managing your own life - you know this exhaustion intimately. It’s the bone-deep tiredness that comes from being everyone’s emergency contact, backup plan, and go-to person.

And despite all your efforts - the books, the apps, the boundary-setting attempts, the Sunday meal prep, the systems for everything and everyone - you’re still drowning.

The Fix-It Trap

Every overwhelmed woman tries to fix her way out.

Better time management, stronger boundaries and more efficient systems. Even self-care Sunday and saying ‘no’ more often.

But the problem is that you’re trying to add solutions to a situation that requires subtraction.

The overwhelm isn’t because you need better systems.

It’s because you’ve forgotten that you’re allowed to just BE in the middle of the chaos. You’ve convinced yourself that if you’re not actively solving something, you’re not being helpful.

You don’t need to fix more. You need to stop believing you’re supposed to.

The Hidden Belief That’s Keeping You Stuck

Deep down, you believe that your worth comes from how much you can handle. That love means fixing. That being a good daughter, mother, partner, or employee means having all the answers.

This belief is killing you. Not literally (though the stress might be), but it’s killing your ability to be present. To trust yourself. To feel peace in your own life.

When your mum calls upset about her doctor’s appointment, you immediately go into fix-it mode. When your teenager is struggling with friends, you’re mentally designing solutions. When your partner mentions work stress, you’re already strategising.

You’ve become a human problem-solving machine, and you’re exhausted.

What Actually Happens When You Stop Trying to Fix Everything

Clients say “I just need to be more organised”.

But when they stop fixing and start being, everything shifts.

They listen instead of jumping to give advice. They’re present instead of problem-solving.

The chaos quiets - not because life changes, but because they do.

The shift isn’t in doing. It’s in being.

The Point You’re Missing

You can’t organise your way to peace. Peace is what’s left when you stop trying to control what you never could.

Your teenager’s struggles aren’t yours to solve. Your parents’ aging isn’t yours to manage. Your partner’s stress isn’t yours to fix.

This doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to control the outcomes.

When you’re present with someone’s pain instead of jumping in to try and fix it, something magical happens. They feel truly seen. And you stop carrying the weight of everyone else’s life.

This isn’t about detachment - it’s about trust.

What Changes When You Stop Fixing

Your relationships improve because people feel heard instead of managed. Your stress decreases because you’re no longer responsible for everyone else’s emotions. Your decisions become clearer because you’re not trying to make everyone happy. Your energy returns because it’s not constantly leaking into other people’s problems. Your own life becomes visible again because you’re not disappearing into everyone else’s needs.

The Permission You’re Waiting For

You’re waiting for everyone to be okay before you can relax. For your parents to be settled. For your kids to have their lives figured out. For all the crises to be resolved.

But that permission to be at peace only comes from within.

It’s not selfish to stop trying to fix everything. It’s not uncaring to let people have their own experiences. It’s not lazy to trust that you don’t need to have all the answers.

It’s about trusting your inner authority - in the moment - to lead you.

The Radical Act of Presence

What if, instead of trying to fix everything, you just showed up? Present. Steady. Trusting that your calm presence is more valuable than your frantic solutions.

What if you trusted that your teenager can handle their friendship drama? That your parents can have bad days without you fixing them? That your partner can manage their own stress?

This isn’t about doing less. It’s about being more.

My Personal Turning Point

I saw this truth firsthand when my mum was at the end of her life.

There was nothing I could do to fix her situation, no solution I could provide, no way to change what was happening. I simply became truly present with her when I was there.

In those moments, something profound shifted - my mental noise quietened down, the constant chatter of problem-solving fell away, and I discovered the immense power that exists in pure presence.

I wasn’t doing anything, yet everything felt complete.

She wasn’t looking for me to fix her experience; she just needed me to be there with her, fully and completely.

That’s when I truly understood that presence isn’t passive - it’s one of the most powerful gifts we can offer.

The Return to Your Natural Steadiness

You already know how to do this. You’ve just forgotten.

There’s a part of you that’s naturally steady. That doesn’t need to fix or control or manage. That can be present with whatever is happening without making it your emergency.

This isn’t something you need to learn. It’s something you need to remember.

It’s your inner authority guidance system.

The Point

This shift is what I call “The Point” - visualised as an upside-down triangle that guides us from the scattered energy of mind and time down into the focused power of now.

At the wide top of the triangle, we have our racing thoughts and time-based anxiety - all the mental noise about past regrets and imagined futures.

As we move down the triangle, we narrow our focus from the chaos of the mind and the pressure of time, pointing us toward the bottom point where presence, peace, and power converge.

This isn’t about managing time better or controlling our thoughts more effectively.

It’s about recognising that everything we’ve been searching for - the peace, the clarity, the sense of being enough - exists at this point of now, accessible whenever we stop trying to fix our way out of the present moment.

Peace isn’t somewhere out there.

It’s in this moment, when you stop avoiding it.

The Question That Changes Everything

Next time you feel the urge to fix, ask yourself:

“What if I didn’t need to solve this? What if my presence is enough?”

Watch what happens when you stop trying to fix your way out of overwhelm and start trusting your natural ability to be steady in the middle of the storm.

The peace you’re looking for isn’t on the other side of having everything figured out. It’s available right now, in this moment, when you stop trying to control what you never could.